i jhust puked up my retainher.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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