put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
