i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
