so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
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I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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