Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
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Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize