I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
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getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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