Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
