WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
