We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
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you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
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Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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