He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
