My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
