she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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