I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
