she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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