If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
