Your tits are I can't wait for
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just want to make out with him forever
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
