I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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