If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
