you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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