i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize