drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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