Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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