I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
