mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
