a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
