so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
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If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
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i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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