so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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