Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
