You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
