This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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