I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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