i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
