it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
