i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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