Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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