fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
