Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
