peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
if i died would you start the facebook group?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I queefed so loud it echoed.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Randomize
