I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
