She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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