as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
