my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
