HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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