only you would photoshop your dick
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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