Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
