sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you win again, gameday.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
