I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
