Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just gargled with NyQuil
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
