I'm laying in your front yard are you home
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
