I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize