Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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