This is not my ceiling
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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