Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
