why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Randomize