She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
