i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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