dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
