I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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