I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
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If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
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How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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