He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
